View Full Version : Saddam calls abuse ‘too little, too late’ * Satire *

05-05-2004, 03:56 PM
Andy Borowitz

‘The work of amateurs,’ madman says

Former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein today blasted the mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison, calling the acts of humiliation “too little, too late.”

Speaking from his prison cell, the former Iraqi strongman said that although he generally applauds the mistreatment of detainees, “From what I’ve seen, what was done at Abu Ghraib appears to be the work of amateurs.”

Saddam added that the fact that the humiliation of prisoners appears to have been isolated and not widespread demonstrates that there was insufficient postwar planning on the part of the U.S. military.

“If they had planned this phase properly, there would have been systematic torture in every prison in Iraq, period,” an outraged Saddam said. “Clearly, when the U.S. invaded Iraq they didn’t give a moment’s thought to a comprehensive postwar torture program.”

Saddam also blasted the soldiers’ use of the Abu Ghraib prison, his favorite venue for torturing prisoners, calling their decision to torture prisoners there “a clear infringement of my trademark.”

Saddam’s French lawyer, Jacques Verges, said that he was seriously considering pursuing a trademark infringement case against the soldiers involved, arguing that “the concept of torturing prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison is unquestionably the intellectual property of Monsieur Saddam Hussein.”

At a press conference in Paris, Mr. Verges told reporters: “These acts of humiliation were not just unforgivable, but unoriginal.”

Elsewhere, the Kerry for President campaign aired a new ad today showcasing the life of the candidate, including home-movie footage of a three-year-old John Kerry flip-flopping for the very first time.