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LRB
05-17-2004, 03:49 PM
Got this in an email today. Thought some of you might enjoy. i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif


We should all know that it isn't going to happen but,

WOULD'NT IT BE REFRESHING TO TURN
ON THE OLE' TV TONIGHT AND SEE G.W. BUSH
GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH.....
.
.


My fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in
Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal
of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30
days.

It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list.
Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid
to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money
saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world hellholes and watch those government
leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine?
Wrestling with an epidemic?
Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
problems we still have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.

Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate
you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize?
Try France .. or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority.
Yo, boys.
Work out a peace deal now.
Just note that Camp David is closed.
Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations.
They have some great palaces there.
Big tables, too.

I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations
with France, Germany, and Russia.

Thanks for all your help, comrades.
We are retiring from NATO as well.
Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing
the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with
more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains
to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers,
and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.

.

A special note to our neighbors.

Canada is on List 2.
Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other,
you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2.
President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need
an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em?
Yep ... border security.
So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty ...
Starting Now.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.

Some will accuse us of isolationism.

I answer them by saying . Darn Tootin'.

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life
around the world has only earned us the undying enmity
of just about everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America.
It is time to eliminate homelessness in America.
It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought.
Thanks guys. We owe you.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought.
Drop dead.

God bless America.
.

Thank you and good night.