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FishForLunch
02-02-2005, 11:15 PM
By Andy Borowitz

HUMOR


"Meet the Press" host Tim Russert is "slowly regaining consciousness" after suffering a one-hour interview with Sen. John Kerry on Sunday, Russert's doctors said today.

The NBC newsman, who is said to be resting comfortably and "doing well" at George Washington University Hospital in Washington, D.C., experienced what is being termed a "major concussion" after his head hit his desk during the hour-long conversation with the former Democratic nominee.

Trouble began for Russert when Kerry launched into a lengthy post-mortem of his ill-fated 2004 campaign, causing the newsman to appear heavy-lidded and drowsy.

It was in the middle of one of Kerry's long-winded answers about his campaign strategy that Russert's head jerked upright suddenly before crashing to the desk with a loud thud.

Russert was immeditaely flown via helicopter to the hospital where surgeons performed emergency surgery to reduce pressure on his brain, chief surgeon Philip Brodier confirmed today.

"We determined that he did not need anesthesia since he had just been speaking with Senator Kerry," Dr. Brodier said.

In a briefing with reporters from his hospital bed, Russert reflected on the difficulty he had staying awake during his one-hour conversation with the former Democratic standard-bearer: "For the life of me, I don't know how Teresa does it."

In an official statement later in the day, Teresa Heinz Kerry responded, "The secret is not listening to him."

EricaLubarsky
02-03-2005, 01:59 AM
lol

Kerry's boring? I've never laughed so hard.

MavKikiNYC
02-03-2005, 09:53 PM
Then again, the antidote for narcolpesy would be sex with Teresa.

capitalcity
02-03-2005, 10:01 PM
...sex with Teresa
Shove it?