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dirt_dobber
01-02-2008, 03:40 PM
Constructing the perfect player
By Kenny Smith, Yahoo! Sports
January 2, 2008
http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news;_ylt=AkOVbLCNBS2Y.JPT7O8U_Py8vLYF?slug=ks-perfect010208&prov=yhoo&type=lgns

As the New Year arrives and I think of all the greats who have blessed the basketball courts in my era, Michael Jordan is often called the perfect player. If he wasnít perfect, he was very close.

That got me wondering on how to construct the perfect player Frankenstein-style. Which parts of which players would I use?

The first part, which allows the body to function is the heart. This has to come from the player who has no fear of failure and a killer instinct: Kobe Bryant.

The brain obviously is also vital. I need someone who understands his strengths and limitations and also understands his players and coaches to a great degree. Thatís Jason Kidd.

Vision helps separate the truly great players from the very good ones. And no one sees the floor quite like Steve Nash.

If this is going to be the perfect player, he shouldnít lack for athleticism. Not only should he be able to go by people, but also through or over them. Give me LeBron Jamesí combination of speed, quickness and muscle. There are faster players baseline to baseline than James, but they donít have his size and leaping ability.

The hops go to Josh Smith. Heís the new-age Dominique Wilkins.

The strength of a basketball player is underrated. Skinny players like Reggie Miller and Rip Hamilton donít need bulk to dart around screens. But give a player the strength of Dwight Howard and now you have a monster.

The longer the wingspan, the better the ability to grab rebounds, deflect passes and make other plays your opponents canít make. So give me Kevin Garnettís reach.

The best players shoot with a quick release. They can get off a shot while their defender is still flatfooted. Which is why Iíll need Ray Allenís wrists.

Soft hands are essential. You want someone with a good touch who can catch all kinds of passes. That would be Tim Duncan.

The feet give you balance. They help you change direction, tightrope the baseline and stay in front of your man on defense. Give me the feet of Manu Ginobili.

The other parts that make up a great player arenít as tangible. Like timing. The best shot blockers have great timing. Jump too soon and your opponent can duck into you and draw a foul. Jump too late and youíll get dunked on. I want the timing of Marcus Camby.

Savvy comes from experience. The most battle-tested players know what to expect before it happens. And few players are more battle-tested than Chauncey Billups.

Patience is important. Great players know when to attack. They know how to set up their opponent with a fake. They donít rush and they rarely force a bad shot. Is there anymore more patient than Duncan? Heís my first and only two-time part member.

Lastly, no one likes a sore loser or a bad winner. Thatís why I value sportsmanship. To be a true winner, you have to be gracious. Like Michael Redd.

Now this is a player whoís truly the sum of his parts.

Underdog
01-02-2008, 03:48 PM
Frankenballer would totally get PWNED by Teen Wolf!!!

http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h12/acidkidd/teenwolf.jpg

dirt_dobber
01-02-2008, 03:57 PM
How about the speed of Devin Harris?

StackAttack
01-02-2008, 04:51 PM
This may just be the stupidest article of all time. I'm not saying he's wrong in anything he said, but if this is what sports journalists are churning out...

DelNegro
01-02-2008, 05:02 PM
Kenny got me wondering on how to construct the ANTI-perfect player Frankenstein-style. Which parts of which players would I use?

The first part, which allows the body to function is the heart. This has to come from the player who a huge fear of failure and no killer instinct whatsoever: Vince Carter

The brain obviously is also vital. I need someone who has no clue as to his strengths and limitations and also is clueless as to his players and coaches to a great degree. Thatís Antoine Walker.

Vision helps separate the truly crappy players from the barely mediocre ones. And no one sees less of the floor than Mike James.

If this is going to be the perfect anti-player, he should lack athleticism. Not only shouldn't he be able to go by people, but neither through or over them. Give me Zydrunas Ilgauskas' combination of lack of speed, glacier-esque quickness and belly of goo. There are slower players baseline to baseline than Z..........well, no, there really aren't.

The hops go to Rasho Nesterovic. He's the new-age version of Bryant Reeves.

The strength of a basketball player is overrated. Skinny players like Reggie Miller and Rip Hamilton donít need bulk to dart around screens. But give a player the strength of Kevin Durant and now you have a 6-10 guy who can't hold position in the lane if the air conditioning is on.

The shorter the wingspan, the better the ability to miss out on rebounds, feel passes whizzing by your fingers and not make the plays your opponents can make. So give me Nate Robinson's reach.

The worst players shoot with a slow release. They can get their shot blocked while their defender is still flatfooted. Which is why I would need Josh Childress' wrists, but unfortunately he doesn't have any.

Stone hands are essential. You want someone with a horrible touch who can deflect all kinds of passes that were indeed meant to go to him. That would be Nazr Mohammed.

The feet give you balance, but we don't want that. They help you change direction, tightrope the baseline and stay in front of your man on defense. For a player who can't do any of that, give me the feet of Yao Ming.

The other parts that make up a crap player arenít as tangible. Like timing. The worst shot blockers have horrible timing. Jump too soon and your opponent can duck into you and draw a foul. Jump too late and youíll get dunked on. I want the timing of David Harrison.

Savvy comes from experience. The most battle-tested players know what to expect before it happens. Yet some players with experience still don't have it and few players are more representative of this than Stephon Marbury.

Lack of patience is important. Great players know when to attack. Bad ones don't, but go ahead and do it anyways. They always rush and they rarely take a good shot. Is there anymore less patient than Antoine Walker? Heís my first and only two-time part member.

Lastly, no one likes a sore loser or a bad winner. Thatís why we need one. To be a true loser, you have to be un-gracious A-hole. Like Jerome James.

Now this is a player whoís truly the sum of his parts.

Underdog
01-02-2008, 05:19 PM
^^ You have Antoine Walker listed twice here... Seems like an unfair advantage if you're constructing the Anti-Star...

ShaggyDirk
01-02-2008, 05:53 PM
oh my...it would be easier to just use Walker for every part.

Windmill360
01-02-2008, 11:24 PM
http://www2.warnerbros.com/spacejam/movie/cmp/lineup/img/voidstarbig.gif
shawn bradley, everybody

ty
01-03-2008, 01:31 AM
In the NBA, Dirk is the closest thing you can get to Frankenstein.

Hitman
01-03-2008, 03:50 PM
That is a stupid article.

bernardos70
01-03-2008, 04:52 PM
If this is going to be the perfect player, he shouldn’t lack for athleticism. Not only should he be able to go by people, but also through or over them. Give me LeBron James’ combination of speed, quickness and muscle. There are faster players baseline to baseline than James, but they don’t have his size and leaping ability.

The hops go to Josh Smith. He’s the new-age Dominique Wilkins.

Was I the only one to catch the fallacy on the bolded part? Kenny Smith, complete fucking idiot.

antoinewalker
01-04-2008, 07:25 PM
oh my...it would be easier to just use Walker for every part.
:(