July 4th: Stern looks in the official NBA rulebook for the first time since 1889, and sees that there is a violation called the "travel". But, since his head referees assure him that not once has any of their crew seen a player commit this violation, he removes it from the books because it is simply a waste of space.
To replace it, he puts in place the "Dwyane Wade" rule, where officials are allowed to give him free throws whenever they wish...even during timeouts. Merely minutes after this press release, Nick Collison, Raja Bell, and Drew Gooden foul out. Hundreds more foul outs are expected by the time opening day roles around.
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