[Dooby]

From the home office, High on the Hilltop, the top 10 surprises awaiting the Mustangs when they travel to Waco for Saturday's game with Baylor:
10. Baylor locker room erupts into chaos when irate teammates demand to know why backup WR Baylor Barbee gets to have his first name on the front of his jersey, rather than getting the traditional style of jersey with just his last name on the back

9. Reading the NCAA-mandated pre-game message about following the rules and fair competition: Dave Bliss

8. Baylor quarterback Aaron Karas is nowhere to be found at game time; he's later discovered holed up in his apartment, watching an all-day marathon of "Webster" re-runs in what he terms a tribute to Alex Karras, who he mistakenly thinks is his uncle

7. The game marks Baylor's 2003 Parents Weekend; game is delayed when SMU offensive lineman Sterling Harris is overcome with remorse after pancaking defensive end's mom

6. Floyd Casey Stadium is sold out as Baylor fans clamor to see the Mustangs' first appearance in Waco since 1994 and because of a planned post-game concert featuring Madonna and Britney Spears; BU fans leave long before game ends because Ponies dominate game and because of rumors that conservative school administrators won't allow Madonna and Britney to re-enact their awards show kiss

5. Game is delayed at start as Baylor alum and longtime NFL safety Vann McElroy is honored in a pregame celebration for his status as a fraternity brother of PonyFans.com moderators I AM and PonyPride
(Caught you off-guard with that one, eh guys?)

4. Thousands of Central Texas NASCAR fans swarm Baylor head coach, asking what they would need to do to score some free cigarettes from Coach Morriss's "uncle Phillip"

3. Baylor defensive coordinator hangs his head in embarrassment when, after screaming to his players that the SMU is lined up in a "twins" formation (two WRs on the same side of the field), middle linebacker Stephen Sepulveda suddenly blows a timeout to squeal to his teammates about his long-held admiration for Ashley and Mary Kate Olson

2. The start of the game is delayed when the frazzled referee announces he won't conduct the pre-game coin toss until SOMEONE tells him when Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are re-scheduling their wedding

And the #1 surprise awaiting the Mustangs when they travel to Waco for Saturday's game with Baylor:

1. The method of providing prerecorded accompaniment to popular songs that a performer sings live, usually by following the words on a video screen and usually after consuming waaaaaay too many drinks, is not named after Baylor wide receiver Robert Quiroga