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Originally Posted by cap's brother's blog...
THE TRANSFORMERS, ADVERTISMENTS IN DISGUISE
Following up on the other blog entry, I wanted to share my thoughts on the new live action Transformers film.
So after more than 20 years, computer generated effects have paved the way for a live action Transformers film. For the past couple of years, various experiments with live action robots have been made for TV commercials and internet video. The good news is that most of these experiments look good, which means that the Transformers in the new movie will look even better. The bad news is that Michael Bay is directing the movie, and I don't trust him with my beloved Autobots and Decepticons.
Along with his buddy, Jerry Bruckheimer, Bay has made some of the most mind-numbing films in history. You can usually identify their movies by their trademark elements:
- Everything's a car chase. That means quick cuts, fast pans, and tilted camera angles in every damn scene.
- Gratuitous explosions
- Comedy relief provided by stereotypical black characters
- Tons of in-film product placements
And this is exactly why Bay got the job. Robots that turn into cars and appliances? It's a perfect opportunity to whore out to corporate interests. So despite what producer Steven Spielberg says, I don't think the film will stay true to it's Generation One roots at all. I've been keeping a close eye on the production of the movie for quite some time now, and without ruining any major plot points, let me inform you that:
- Optimus is not a semi truck
- Megatron is not a gun
- Bumblebee is not a VW bug
I understand that some of the choices they've made come from a functional perspective, but how could they not make Bumblebee a VW bug? Christ, he's probably the only damn character that I would tolerate doubling as an advertisement, and they couldn't even do that right! Furthermore, expect transforming Xbox 360s and other stupid shit.
When I complain to people about this, the kindest response that I get is "They're alien robots? How great do you expect the movie to be?!"
Well, if you look over my blog entry about the original Transformers film, then you can see why I have high expectations. There's room for story, there's room for character development and emotion! I know because it's been done before!
Distressed, I decided to rent Armageddon and see if it offers any hope for the future. Thankfully, it does. Armageddon actually shares a few of the locations from the first few episodes of the classic '84 cartoon. If the new Tranformers film has scenes in space or on an oil drilling platform, then they should be done right.
Nonetheless, I still have one major concern- the cast.
- Shia LaBeouf - I fucking hate this actor. He played that annoying thug-wannabe kid in iRobot.
- Bernie Mac - did I mention the trademark comedic relief character. Yeah, guess who plays him.
- John Turturro - Yes, we all love the Jesus, but what the fuck is he doing in the new Transformers film?
- Tyrese Gibson - yeaahhh....
Basically, the cast is filled with a lot of comedic characters and a couple of sexy actresses. Some of the cast (ie Jon Voight) are good actors or comedians in their own right, but these are not the people I would put together for a Transformers movie.
Expect the teaser trailer for Transformers on July 4. Odds are that it will be played before the new Pirates of the Carribean movie. Despite how me or any other Transfan feels, you can count on a bunch of cheers and shouts in the theater from a bunch of fags that weren't even born before 1986.
But who knows? Maybe the movie won't suck. Only time will tell.
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