Q: Who do you think is the player most likely to become ridiculously overweight during this NBA lockout?
— J. Olafsson, Reykjavik
SG: I'll never forget the '99 lockout abruptly ending in February, then Antoine Walker quickly inking a six-year, $71 million extension and showing up for the first home game looking like Sammi Sweetheart in Jersey Shore's Italy premiere. In fact, let's call this the Wiggle Award after Antoine. It's really Baron Davis' trophy award to lose — this is someone who packed on pounds even when there wasn't a lockout. He's also stuck in Cleveland backing up Kyrie Irving, he's guaranteed $30.65 million over the next two seasons, and his only real competition (Eddy Curry) was already obese.
Actually, the more I'm thinking about it, maybe we need to change these odds to "Baron Davis vs. The Field," a little like during Tiger's prime when we could either bet on Tiger winning the Masters or anyone else winning. If I gave you Baron at 4-to-1 odds for the Wiggle Award or The Field at -350 odds (bet 700 to win 200), which side would you take? Tough call, right? If you want to wager on someone individually, here are my odds:
Baron Davis (-500): His award to lose.
Ray Felton (even odds): Some heavy action on him recently after he looked semi-obese at a summer game. He's in a contract year, though — even Baron wouldn't be apathetic enough to show up heavy for a contract year. On the other hand …
Zach Randolph (+250): Inked a four-year, $63 million extension right before the lockout started. Uh-oh. He was already someone who should have been one-year deals only. He's also packed on pounds before. And he's coming off a career year and a Z-Bo love fest in last spring's playoffs, which is always dangerous. Keep an eye on these odds.
Brendan Haywood (+400): The best candidate for your token "Overpaid Role Player Who Already Has a Lot of Guaranteed Money Coming and Just Sacrificed to Help a Team Win a Title" spot.
Mo Williams (+500): Owed $17 million over the next two years when he's worth half that … and he's a Clipper. That's a Molotov cocktail of potential obesity.
Michael Beasley (+500): I think we've learned over the years never to leave Beas off any list projecting negative/erratic/criminal behavior involving NBA players.
Jared Dudley (15 to 1): Fits the "carried more weight once upon a time" and "recently signed an extension" categories. Also, teammate Steve Nash had a profound effect on JMZ's eating habits and conditioning these past two years, only the longer the lockout drags on, the longer Nash and JMZ will be apart. I'm concerned. I'd give him better odds but he seems pretty serious on Twitter about becoming J.Lo's rebound boyfriend, so it would be in his best interest to stay in shape.7
Dwyane Wade (20 to 1): Come on, we had to have one superstar on here, right? Maybe he's eating and partying in South Beach, maybe he's having trouble dealing with the fallout from playing for our most despised American sports team in 20-plus years.… you just never know.
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