[Caliente]

Redneck IQ Test

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I
challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in
your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons
of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense
the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of
the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3
acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers
will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field
rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The
porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many
hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown
children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough
property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope
on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic
conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a
vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine
employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of
the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during
this shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation,
how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate
highway to breed a country and western singer?

I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you? It's okay
if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you... There's a hole heap
of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southerly
advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too
drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they
go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.