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Originally Posted by ShaggyDirk
I hate the fact that every time I go to Wal-mart, half the city is there. It is so bad that there are no carts. But, I am there to pick up a few things so I casually walk up to the "express" checkout 20 items or less (where half the city is in line) and what do you know, an idiot is at the front of the line with a basket full of assorted bullshit for her fat ass self.
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I feel you, man. Wal-Mart is pretty much the shit when it comes to getting what you want and paying for it dirt cheap, but why in the hell can't they open more express lines? Don't they have some traffic-flow engineers for this sort of thing? There can be three lines open at the regular stands, and only two in the express, yet 75% of the people there are going through express. (Since Wal-Mart is pretty much down the street from you, wherever you live, you almost never need to buy more than 20 items at once. Everyone qualifies for express!)
You know what the secret is, though? If you are getting ready to go to Wal-Mart--as opposed to Tom Thumb, you cheap bastard--simply budget yourself fifteen minutes to stand in line. This will ALWAYS be enough, and you will almost never have to stand in line for more than ten minutes. If you can't afford the fifteen minutes, don't go to Wal-Mart.
But if you can afford the fifteen minutes, then just take your place in line...and relax. Now start people-watching. Watch the person in front of you squirm because he or she is having to just stand there and wait (for God's sake!). Keep an eye on the checker, because you can be damned sure that the people in front of you are. If she's going slow because she's having to ring up some WIC cards, well, this is a perfect opportunity for some entertainment. Watch the person in front you look around to the other "express" lanes, looking for that opportunity to slide over and gain a few seconds. See the indecision, as they can't decide whether they are better off to stay or go. Trust me, this is good stuff.
And if you ever get a price check...oh my goodness, you have just hit the motherlode! It's not at all uncommon to watch a guy in front of you, with a bag of chips in one hand and a frozen pizza in the other, finally reach his breaking point. He just can't stand it anymore, so she shakes his head violently from side to side, issues a guttural curse, tosses his items on the drink cooler and goes.
Where else can you get such a glimpse into the human psyche? Mr Chips-and-Frozen-Pizza, so put out by the unbearable incompetence of the huge Wal-Mart machine that can't as much as ring up an item at the register, storms off with blood pressure rising. To do what? To drive out of his way to another store, to buy the same damned chips and pizza, pay more for it, and arrive at home fifteen minutes later than if he would have just closed his eyes and waited his turn.
I'm telling you, Wal-Mart is a human laboratory. And you know what the kicker is? That cooler he abandoned his precious chips and pizza upon, it sells you 20-ounce sodas for $1.29 each. When you walk out the door you can buy the same thing from a vending machine for fifty cents.
It's a laboratory, I tell you, a laboratory. Budget yourself the fifteen minutes to sit and watch. You'd have to pay to pay big tuition to get this kind of education elsewhere.