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Old 06-02-2015, 06:34 PM   #39
DirkFTW
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ARBITRATOR OVERTURNS NFL SUSPENSION OF ROMAN NUMERALS; LEAGUE TO APPEAL

NEW YORK, NY—The NFL announced today that a neutral arbitrator has overturned the NFL's indefinite suspension of roman numerals, and the NFL will immediately appeal the decision. The announcement comes in the midst of a number of ongoing investigations into the role roman numerals played in a pattern of coded insults and discrimination over the last few decades. Dating back to at least Superbowls XXX and XL, critics have insisted that roman numerals were triggering recovering sex addicts and obese people, but to no avail. Protesters in years past warned that the situation would only get worse unless the league intervened.

This year, the NFL suddenly reversed course at the start of the Superbowl's semicentennial season. Citing findings from recent studies that fans using their hands to signify this year's big game could be mistaken for gang members, muggers, or Texas Tech alum, the NFL concluded that roman numerals were detrimental to the league and could no longer be tolerated. Some sports analysts have speculated that the tide turned towards suspension when Commissioner Roger Goodell was greeted during post-Superbowl celebrations by a large throng of Patriots fans holding up the hand sign to him, presumably to signify a repeat. Unconfirmed reports indicate fans and former players from across the league similarly expressed their championship hopes to Goodell throughout the entirety of the 2015 draft. It is said that the commissioner's first-hand experience opened his eyes to the immediacy of the problem.

However, in overturning the suspension, the arbitrator (who asked to remain unnamed) concluded that the basis for the suspension "could not be substantiated," and those "losers too weak-minded to watch the game should switch the channel to ice skating." The NFL stated it would appeal the first part of the arbitrator's findings, but declined further comment.
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Is this ghost ball??
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