The Secret Single Male Society set to meet today - Christmas EVE - Dallas-Mavs.com Forums

Base Line Guy · 12-24-2002, 01:27 PM

SSMS has it's annual winter meeting this afternoon @ 4pm. As a member, I just wanted to remind you guys out there about this and how to be more efficient.

As I'm sure you know, SSMS meets 2 hours before a mall near you closes on Christmas Eve to get all our shopping done. We don't have time for this secret society to have a secret handshake or anything, so if you single guys can just keep it to a simple head nod while passing each other, we are sure to have another successful outing again this year. For those who have forgotten protocall on this head nod, it's correct to nod the head in a downward motion, as if to say, "You too, huh?" The head nod in an upward motion usually happens with 15 minutes or less till the mall closes as if to say, "OH SHIT, PLEASE TELL ME WHERE YOU BOUGHT YOUR LAST GIFT." In this case a simple point in the direction of the last purchase by the passing single guy member. It's up to you to get to that store, b/c no words are spoken between Male members, no time. HOWEVER, words are expected using 5 words or less to any friendly female associate when trying to purchase a gift for our loved ones. IE- "Size 1 in black, please!!" In this case, express a look of desperation and total confusion to gain the sympathy of that very friendly female associate. She will take over from there and pull things off the shelf, and you just choose the color.

Words of wisdom:
Park in valet! Money can not be a big issue this time a year, at least $5 won't be, so use the valet. Utilize things that are displayed as opposed to things you have to dig for. You're only digging your own grave if you have to search. The friendly female associate is there to help, use her. Carry the credit card you will be using in your front pocket instead of your wallet. Too much time spent pulling the wallet out every 5 minutes, so we suggest using pocket no.5 on your favorite pair of jeans. Did you know you have a pocket no.5? It's the very small pocket inside the right pocket. It holds a credit card PERFECTLY for quick and easy access. Carry a mall map as stopping and asking eats up your time as well. If you're hungry, DO NOT stop in at the food court. Many SSMS members have lost the game by doing so. You must rely on whatever candy dish is out at the department store you are in. Only grab a snack if you have just signed the credit card slip and it's in pocket no.5 while the friendly female associate is bagging your gifts. This will give you a little sugar lift and add some pep in your step until the next purchase. If you become thirsty, DO NOT STOP and get a drink. I know it's hard, but remember what it takes to succeed and you'll be fine. Pull out the mall map WHILE WALKING, DON'T STOP. Instead, just point out a female soap and etc. store like Origins or Avada. They never fail at having a sample of their iced tea in a small cup and always stand in front of the store, careful not to be in the mall while passing out this gem. Treat this like mile 18 in a marathon. Don't stop, don't chat, just grab the 2oz sample of tea and in this case, you may use the head nod. If you are inside the 15 minute warning, use the upward head nod and a seasoned friendly female associate will generally recognize this as an expression of help and pull you in and offer up suggestions instantly. Pick a smell or flavor and always add a candle, have her carry it to the counter while you reach into pocket no.5 and hand over the CC. A good shopper knows to have the CC in the associates hands before she gets to her counter to ring you up. This will save you 2 minutes at EVERY STOP.

Happy hunting and good luck. If you see me, please give the head nod or if your running out of time, give me an upward head nod and I will point to help you.

Base Line Guy