your wishes granted: a timewaster - Page 5 - Dallas-Mavs.com Forums

DirkFTW · 02-18-2010, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FINtastic

Granted, but you must eat the asparagus next to it as well.

I wish I had X-Ray vision.

Granted. You are also trapped in a lead-encased room.

I wish the Mavs would not lose again this year.

Dirkadirkastan · 02-18-2010, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

I wish the Mavs would not lose again this year.

Granted, but this was a result of the Mavs prematurely firing the DUST chip to acquire Wade just minutes before the deadline. The end result is a tainted Finals with him getting 30 FT's per game, Dirk cementing his reputation as a non-franchise player, and a title that's even more discredited than the Lakers of 2002.

I wish my browser would quit crashing.

Flacolaco · 02-18-2010, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirkadirkastan

I wish my browser would quit crashing.

Granted, but the only thing it shows you now is gay porn.

I wish the USA Mens team would win the Hockey Gold Medal.

Dirkadirkastan · 02-18-2010, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flacolaco

I wish the USA Mens team would win the Hockey Gold Medal.

Granted, but the all the players had to give away their medals to the wives of mob members for some weird reason.

I wish my browser would stop showing gay porn.

DirkFTW · 02-18-2010, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirkadirkastan

I wish my browser would stop showing gay porn.

Granted. Your browser now quits anytime even the letters g, a, or y appear on screen.

I wish for world peace!

FINtastic · 02-18-2010, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

Granted. Your browser now quits anytime even the letters g, a, or y appear on screen.

I wish for world peace!

Granted. But now the world must watch a live Meatloaf Sings for Peace concert every night for an hour in order to prevent them from going back to their evil ways.

I wish I had a new house.

Underdog · 02-18-2010, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FINtastic

Granted. But now the world must watch a live Meatloaf Sings for Peace concert every night for an hour in order to prevent them from going back to their evil ways.

I wish I had a new house.

Granted. But it's a Stackhouse (the current one), and he won't leave.

I wish I could think of what to wish for...

sike · 02-18-2010, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underdog

Granted. But it's a Stackhouse (the current one), and he won't leave.

I wish I could think of what to wish for...

Granted? I wish u2 was easy to kill...you know, like a vampire or werewolf.

bernardos70 · 02-19-2010, 01:36 AM

Granted. But you yourself are unable to, and every time you try, your penis shrinks an inch.

I wish public bluetooth usage was banned.

Thespiralgoeson · 02-19-2010, 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernardos70

Granted. But you yourself are unable to, and every time you try, your penis shrinks an inch.

I wish public bluetooth usage was banned.

Granted. Instead, people go back to using these things.

I wish parking at Cowboy's stadium was cheaper.

FINtastic · 02-20-2010, 02:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thespiralgoeson

Granted. Instead, people go back to using these things.

I wish parking at Cowboy's stadium was cheaper.

Granted, you may now park at the Cowboys old stadium for free whenever you want.

I wish I had a forty inch vertical.

spreedom · 02-24-2010, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FINtastic

Granted, you may now park at the Cowboys old stadium for free whenever you want.

I wish I had a forty inch vertical.

Granted, but it will be segmented into 8 5-inch verticals, so every time you jump, you will automatically follow that up with 4 more jumps, none of which get you high enough off the ground to accomplish anything.

I wish I was the wealthiest man in the world.

sike · 02-24-2010, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spreedom

Granted, but it will be segmented into 8 5-inch verticals, so every time you jump, you will automatically follow that up with 4 more jumps, none of which get you high enough off the ground to accomplish anything.

I wish I was the wealthiest man in the world.

Granted. But not only are you the wealthiest man...you are also the wealthiest woman...bc you are also the richest hermaphrodite in the world.

I wish we could just all get along...

DirkFTW · 03-05-2010, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

I wish we could just all get along...

Granted. Alcohol has also been banned to prevent any drunken not-getting-along, thereby negating the blessing of beer goggles for ugly people.

I wish it was 5:30PM already.

u2sarajevo · 03-05-2010, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

Granted. Alcohol has also been banned to prevent any drunken not-getting-along, thereby negating the blessing of beer goggles for ugly people.

I wish it was 5:30PM already.

Granted. DirkFTW loses his job since he wasn't at any of his meetings from 11:30AM until 5:30PM and nothing got done.

I wish *unnamed coworker* would get off his BGP is just RIP on steroids bandwagon.

DirkFTW · 03-05-2010, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by u2sarajevo

I wish *unnamed coworker* would get off his BGP is just RIP on steroids bandwagon.

Granted. Unnamed coworker has permanently relocated from his BGP is just RIP on steroids bandwagon to his BGP is just RIP on steroids soapbox.

I wish I had a time machine so that I don't lose my job.

Underdog · 03-05-2010, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

I wish I had a time machine so that I don't lose my job.

Granted, but it can only send you forward in time to the day after America's job market completely collapses.

I wish the Cowboys would make a splash in free agency...

MavsX · 03-05-2010, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underdog

Granted, but it can only send you forward in time to the day after America's job market completely collapses.

I wish the Cowboys would make a splash in free agency...

granted. Fortunately for the cowboys their big moves paid off with a trip to the super bowl, unfortunately they got crushed 60 - 3 by the buffalo bills

I wish that the gym will not be really crowded tonight

u2sarajevo · 03-05-2010, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MavsX

granted. Fortunately for the cowboys their big moves paid off with a trip to the super bowl, unfortunately they got crushed 60 - 3 by the buffalo bills

I wish that the gym will not be really crowded tonight

Granted.... easily seeing that gyms are typically only crowded on Friday nights when the membership is filled by losers that have nothing better to do.

I wish I didn't just punk mavsx.

mcsluggo · 03-05-2010, 04:46 PM

that wish was a self fulfilled... by the lameness of your post.

I wish for a ton of wild <hanging from the chandelier> sex this weekend.

sike · 03-05-2010, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcsluggo

that wish was a self fulfilled... by the lameness of your post.

I wish for a ton of wild <hanging from the chandelier> sex this weekend.

granted. but you're alone.

I wish JT would heal quickly

MavsX · 03-06-2010, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

granted. but you're alone.

I wish JT would heal quickly

jt will heal quickly, but then will find himself in RC's doghouse and won't play the rest of the season.

I wish this thread would never stop.

Murphy3 · 03-07-2010, 06:23 PM

Granted, but you're responsible for every other post.
I wish I didn't have a hangover.

sike · 03-07-2010, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murphy3

Granted, but you're responsible for every other post.
I wish I didn't have a hangover.

granted. but now you can only drink prune juice for the rest of your life. (have fun with that)

I wish everything was as good as ice cream.

DirkFTW · 03-07-2010, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

I wish everything was as good as ice cream.

Granted, but global warming makes all ice cream the runny, sour kind.

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises.

Underdog · 03-07-2010, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, AND I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises.

Granted, but the turkey is a little dry.

I wish my drink would refill itself...

DirkFTW · 03-08-2010, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underdog

I wish my drink would refill itself...

Granted. You have also published a book titled "10 refreshing ways to drink your own urine"

I wish I could have played golf this weekend.

MavsX · 03-08-2010, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

Granted. You have also published a book titled "10 refreshing ways to drink your own urine"

I wish I could have played golf this weekend.

Granted. You did play "Golf" this past weekend...and by "Golf" i mean pocket pool.

I wish the app store could come up with some new cool apps.

sike · 03-08-2010, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MavsX

I wish the app store could come up with some new cool apps.

granted. "Ice Berg Death" and "Frozen Man Nipples" have now been released...

I wish a speedy recovery for Damp, JT, and Haywood...

Underdog · 03-08-2010, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

I wish a speedy recovery for Damp, JT, and Haywood...

Granted, but Crystal Taylor will be released from prison early and inexplicably move back in with Dirk so she can Yoko his career.

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller...

DirkFTW · 03-08-2010, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underdog

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller...

Granted, but since you technically had two wishes, the genie had to splice the two together. You now hold the Guinness record for tallest balls. It probably interferes with your bedroom activities substantially.

I wish I had some sushi to eat.

DirkFTW · 08-26-2011, 03:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

Granted, but since you technically had two wishes, the genie had to splice the two together. You now hold the Guinness record for tallest balls. It probably interferes with your bedroom activities substantially.

I wish I had some sushi to eat.

Granted. But the abundance made the 2011 Miami Heat fishing trip a complete waste of time.

I wish this board was more active.

FINtastic · 08-27-2011, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DirkFTW

Granted. But the abundance made the 2011 Miami Heat fishing trip a complete waste of time.

I wish this board was more active.

Granted. But all of the activity comes from a new influx of spambots looking to sell you the latest in handbags in addition to all the WoW gold you could ever need.

I wish that the NBA lockout ended tomorrow.

DirkFTW · 08-29-2011, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FINtastic

I wish that the NBA lockout ended tomorrow.

Granted, but the lockout ends because the teams load up with non-union players. NFL scores quickly overtake NBA scores.

I wish for more rain.

Male30Dan · 08-29-2011, 12:05 PM

Granted, but in a eerily similar way to the below cartoon, the cloud follows only you and never accomplishes anything:

I wish my wife could find a teaching job in this horrible economy.

Underdog · 08-29-2011, 12:16 PM

Granted, but Rick Perry eventually wins the presidency and eliminates the entire national education system and exports the rest of our jobs to China.

I wish national politics was still about BJ's and j!zz-stained dresses...

bernardos70 · 08-29-2011, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underdog

Granted, but Rick Perry eventually wins the presidency and eliminates the entire national education system and exports the rest of our jobs to China.

I wish national politics was still about BJ's and j!zz-stained dresses...

Granted, but this time around they have tape of Nancy Pelosi "getting freaky" on John Boehner's "disco stick." The ensuing airing of such tape kills millions upon viewing.

I wish we had affordable flying hybrid cars.

DirkFTW · 08-29-2011, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernardos70

I wish we had affordable flying hybrid cars.

Granted, but the fiery landings prove to be monetarily and environmentally very costly.

I wish it was the long weekend already.

bernardos70 · 08-29-2011, 03:45 PM

Granted, but, hmmm, yeah, we're gonna need you... to go ahead... and come in on... Saturday? Oh, oh, oh, and I almost forgot, why don't you go ahead and just come in on Sunday... also? Yeah, we sorta lost some people this week and need to catch up. Thaaaaaanks!

I wish baked potato didn't take so long to make.

sike · 08-31-2011, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernardos70

I wish baked potato didn't take so long to make.

Granted...but now potatoes take so little time to bake that you ALWAYS burn them!

I wish Dirk would go down top ten all time in points scored...