Dirk For MVP Column - Dallas-Mavs.com Forums

VoteForBen · 04-09-2006, 11:27 PM

It'll be up here tomorrow: http://www.nba.com/mavericks/news/co...n_archive.html

Last week I found myself in the express checkout lane at a supermarket buying nothing but four boxes of Jimmy Dean Breakfast Skillet Helpers. I guess this was a faux pas because the checkout lady stared at me like Jimmy Dean’s Breakfast Skillet Helpers were the main ingredients to contact explosives, but I had no idea that this was against proper supermarket etiquette and I would not rest until I had some of Jimmy Dean’s gift to mankind in my stomach.

If you don’t know what Jimmy Dean Breakfast Skillet Helpers are (from now on affectionately known as JDBSH), then you have quite obviously not seen the genius commercial on TV. You know the one – where the father of the family is actually the sun personified and he’s up early making his perfectly non-planetary daughter breakfast with the big box o’ JDBSH. It’s 30 seconds of raw brilliance and Jimmy Dean should be writing posthumous thank-you letters to the guy in the advertising firm who made his name cool again.

But, truth is, I don’t even like eggs. For a good year of my life, I swore I was allergic to them. Honestly, I probably won’t make it through the first box and the rest of them are just going to sit in the back of the cabinet with all of those exotic Slim Jims my parents bought in 1997. (Really, Blueberry Blast Slim Jims? C’mon.)

It’s just that, on some level, we’re all gullible. We all subliminally, or not so subliminally, fall into the trenches of advertising or product placement because we find something funny or we hear it often enough.

Prime example: every NBA pre-game show on ABC or TNT. At 8 P.M., every couple of nights a week, someone reaches up the back of Charles Barkley’s shirt, turns his settings to “Idiot, But Mildly Coherent” and he sputters off why LeBron James should be MVP of the league. He shouldn’t -- if Steve Nash won the MVP last year based on the fact that he could’ve made any team a playoff team and LeBron’s Cavs couldn’t make the playoffs in the East last year, then we’re looking at two very different criteria – but if you hear Chuck often enough, it burns into the back of your mind like a cattle prod. And, guess what, then we’re all sheep again.

The media falls into this trap, too. They discount Kenny Smith and Charles as not holding any water, but their votes are consistently in line with what the top-three in MVP voting look like. They’re in line for the proverbial JDBSH the day it comes out.

Frankly, there’s nothing we, the common fan, can do about what the media decides to air and what not to air. ESPN, TNT and ABC decide what sells in that region by who they want to market. I sound like everyone’s cynical, crazy uncle here, but it holds some truth.

There is one way, though, that will always work. But it’s not subliminal. It’s not even close. It’s loud. It’s in your face. It’s sometimes even obnoxious.

But, man, it works.
Watch a Lakers game. Any Lakers game. Win or lose, if Kobe Bryant is on or if Kobe Bryant is off. They will only chant one thing throughout the entire game, and they do it without one hint of hesitation. Nothing complicated: it’s only three letters. But those three letters have more power than any major media outlet could have in three hours worth of programming.

MVP.

Works every time. So much so that, when they did chant it, it even got the most fervent Laker-hater alive to think a little bit. I forgot about the fact that his team was barely a .500 ballclub. I forgot about his horrendous shot selection. I forgot about the disaster the NBA would have on its hands if Kobe Bryant, yes, that Kobe Bryant, was the league’s Most Valuable Player. There’s just something about those three letters that draw you in.

Once I came back down to Earth, I realized that this could work for the real MVP of the league. The one leading his team to the best record in the West after some critics predicted that his team wouldn’t even make the playoffs. The one who was third in MVP voting last year, but has only made himself better, shooting better from the field and becoming the best statistical clutch shooter in the NBA. The one about to lead his team the furthest in the playoffs that his team has ever seen: Dirk Nowitzki.

Word is spreading, too. And it’s starting just one locker over.

“He’s got my vote,” said Jason Terry, Mavs starting point guard and main Dirk-distributor. “He’s led this team this far this season. He’s my MVP.”

With six games left, Mavs fans, Jason Terry needs your help to backup his vote. Chant MVP for the guy who has the numbers to back it up. Chant it for the guy who deserves it. Chant it for the guy who is rightfully, not subliminally, putting his name in the MVP race.

Because, sometimes, there is truth in advertising.

I hope you liked my column this week, check back next week and keep those emails coming to ben.t.collins@comcast.net

birdsanctuary · 04-09-2006, 11:43 PM

This belongs in the other "Dirk for MVP" thread...

chumdawg · 04-09-2006, 11:43 PM

I never bought four boxes of something that I didn't know if I liked. Four boxes? Good god, man, how gullible are you? You even said you didn't lke eggs.