your wishes granted: a timewaster - Page 2 - Dallas-Mavs.com Forums

Smiles · 06-30-2007, 11:41 AM

Granted. But you will no longer be blind to children who live in terror, poverty and loneliness in the world.

I wish I hadn't JUST embarrassed myself in the elevator with Tony Dorsett.

FINtastic · 06-30-2007, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smiles

Granted. But you will no longer be blind to children who live in terror, poverty and loneliness in the world.

I wish I hadn't JUST embarrassed myself in the elevator with Tony Dorsett.

Granted. But you will now embarrass yourself in the elevator with Dirk.

I wish I had X-Ray vision.

rabbitproof · 06-30-2007, 12:59 PM

Granted. But your X-Ray vision only functions with people who have a personal gravitational pull rivaling that of small planets and large moons.

I wish I had 12 weeks of PTO a year.

roadrunner · 06-30-2007, 03:17 PM

Granted. But the PTO is actually an acronym for Putrified Tissue Outbreak instead of Paid Time Off. You will now look like the guy with Bitter Beer Face 12 weeks out of the year.

I wish I had the cure for baldness.

Dirkadirkastan · 06-30-2007, 04:09 PM

Granted. But now your wife grows a beard at an alarming rate.

I wish I had a 3' vertical jump.

MavsX · 06-30-2007, 04:21 PM

Granted. But David Stern ending up changing the height of the rim to 11 feet, so you still can't dunk.

I wish draping myself in velvet were socially acceptable.

DubOverdose · 06-30-2007, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MavsX

Granted. But David Stern ending up changing the height of the rim to 11 feet, so you still can't dunk.

I wish draping myself in velvet were socially acceptable.

Granted. However, your allergic reaction to velvet has caused you to go blind, mute, and deaf.

I wish we could trade Croshere for Tim Duncan....straight up

MissNU · 06-30-2007, 07:45 PM

Granted. Although the magic wish man thought you were referring to Paula Abdul so now you have her on your b-ball team.
I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner.

Dirkadirkastan · 06-30-2007, 08:27 PM

Granted. But now you have a penis. (I was going to say that whatever your wish was)

I wish Darth Ape would cancel his internet subscription and never use a computer again.

Flacolaco · 06-30-2007, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dirkadirkastan

Granted. But now you have a penis. (I was going to say that whatever your wish was)

I wish Darth Ape would cancel his internet subscription and never use a computer again.

Granted. But now he sneaks into your house at night and puts "I heart Don Nelson" stickers on your penis, and Warriors Jerseys in your underwear drawer. Creepy.

I wish sike would stop parking his space ship on my lawn and throwing his empty beer bottles on the curb.

EricaLubarsky · 06-30-2007, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flacolaco

I wish sike would stop parking his space ship on my lawn and throwing his empty beer bottles on the curb.

Granted, but he gets back to work which means that you will have a certain part of your digestive anatomy probed by a male alien.

I wish I could see the future.

FINtastic · 07-01-2007, 12:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EricaLubarsky

Granted, but he gets back to work which means that you will have a certain part of your digestive anatomy probed by a male alien.

I wish I could see the future.

Granted. Unfortunately, you see that waiting for you in your room tonight on bed of rose petals are Janet Reno, a Bulgarian dwarf named Tito, and two pairs of handcuffs.

I wish I could turn my socks into money.

rabbitproof · 07-01-2007, 02:54 AM

Granted! Your socks turn into money but your money turns into women's underwear so thus all you have left from your pile of socks and munnys is women's underwear.

I wish I was a professional ninja.

EricaLubarsky · 07-01-2007, 03:36 AM

Granted. You career will be long and storied although you will look like Chris Farley which will ruin your sex appeal.

I wish I could add a zero to all my paychecks

rabbitproof · 07-01-2007, 03:57 AM

Granted. You are now paid zero8.00 dollars an hour.

I wish I could get paid not to work.

Ninkobei · 07-01-2007, 10:39 AM

Granted. But you forget to fill out the required W-4 forms and are indicted by the IRS. They believe you to be a drug lord and have you placed under guard in a cushy mansion outside of Alaska. In which the only food item available to you is the Cheez-it. After four long years living in this house by yourself, the lack of nutrition finally kills you.

I wish I lived on an alien spaceship, and that sike was not allowed on it.

FINtastic · 07-01-2007, 11:29 AM

Granted, but one of the world's most infamous aliens, Michael Jackson, is the commander of the spaceship and requires you to dress up in overalls because every day has a "dress up like a 10 year old" theme.

I wish I could fly.

rabbitproof · 07-01-2007, 12:06 PM

Granted. You breathlessfly fly around the globe taking in aerial views never before seen by human eyes. Unfortunately, you did not learn how to land and crash to a horrible turf-burn enduced death when you feel a little bashful about an in-flight deuce.

I wish everything that was bad for your health was awesome for your health.

ocelot_ark · 07-01-2007, 01:10 PM

Granted, but those things quickly experience massive droughts due to the increased consumption. Eventually, the only things left to eat are those that are now unhealthy. You die within 2 years of a massive coronary.

I wish someone would finally come to cut down my damn pine tree.

MavsX · 07-01-2007, 01:47 PM

Granted, however the person you hired to cut down the tree turned out to be me. And as it turns out i have zero tree cutting experience, thus the tree fell on your house. You forgot to renew your home owners insurance for the year, and as a result you have a 60 foot pine tree in your living room.

I wish threesomes(2 girls, and me (skinny, hot,(big boobs) no flaws what so ever) ) were socially acceptable and happened to me often. (I'm just setting myself up for this one....)

Windmill360 · 07-01-2007, 02:22 PM

Granted, but as you stated yourself, you are skinny, hot, big boobed and have no flaws what so ever.

I wish I had infinite wishes. noo Wiat!@

Ninkobei · 07-01-2007, 03:15 PM

Granted. But the only wish you may wish for is more wishes.

I wish I had one of those new IBM supercomputers and free electricity to run it forever.

DubOverdose · 07-01-2007, 09:56 PM

Granted. However, your house is too small to hold it and during the rain this upcoming week the computer is fried.

I wish that it won't rain for the 311/ Matisyahu concert this Friday

sike · 07-01-2007, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubOverdose

Granted. However, your house is too small to hold it and during the rain this upcoming week the computer is fried.

I wish that it won't rain for the 311/ Matisyahu concert this Friday

granted, but then you discover that Matisyahu rightly translated is "All Night Love Hole For The Elderly"

I wish the Mavs would win the title next year. (screw that one up....I dare you!)

DubOverdose · 07-01-2007, 10:41 PM

Granted. Our current roster is traded for the Heat's 2006 roster in a monumental blockbuster trade. It didnt' work per CBA requirements, but Stern allowed the trade just to gain media attention. Antoine Walker is Finals MVP after his game 7 heroics where his first 3 in 15 attempts put the Mavs up 1 with .2s left.

I wish I had an iPhone

sike · 07-01-2007, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DubOverdose

Granted. Our current roster is traded for the Heat's 2006 roster in a monumental blockbuster trade. It didnt' work per CBA requirements, but Stern allowed the trade just to gain media attention. Antoine Walker is Finals MVP after his game 7 heroics where his first 3 in 15 attempts put the Mavs up 1 with .2s left.

you, sir, must have been born out of wedlock.

Quote:

I wish I had an iPhone

granted. but as we will soon learn...iPhones give you AIDS....

I wish all the children in the world could be well fed and have clean water

Flacolaco · 07-10-2007, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

I wish all the children in the world could be well fed and have clean water

Granted, but you're arrested for trying fatten all the children up so that you could eat them with ketchup and jalapeños.

I wish I could go home from work right now and watch LOST.

u2sarajevo · 07-10-2007, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flacolaco

Granted, but you're arrested for trying fatten all the children up so that you could eat them with ketchup and jalapeños.

I wish I could go home from work right now and watch LOST.

Granted, however you were misunderstood so all you get to watch is episodes of "LAND OF THE LOST".

I wish the Stripes would come to freaking Dallas on their tour.

mcsluggo · 07-10-2007, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flacolaco

Granted, but you're arrested for trying fatten all the children up so that you could eat them with ketchup and jalapeños.

I wish I could go home from work right now and watch LOST.

granted, you're fired.

I wish I didn't have a splitting headache...

Flacolaco · 07-10-2007, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mcsluggo

granted, you're fired.

I wish I didn't have a splitting headache...

Granted, on account of the fact that your head got chopped off by a rogue samurai warrior, who fell into some sort of time wormhole in his feudal japanese training facility, and had just been insulted by someone that looks just like you.

Tough luck, by the way.

I wish the media weren't so liberal.

mcsluggo · 07-10-2007, 04:33 PM

granted
(its already not nearly as liberal as you pig-headed texan conservatives think)

I wish texans weren't such pigheaded conservatives.

sike · 07-10-2007, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flacolaco

I wish the media weren't so liberal.

granted.

but now you are forced to vote for the most liberal candidates for the rest of your life...

Ninkobei · 07-10-2007, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

granted.

but now you are forced to vote for the most liberal candidates for the rest of your life...

granted. but instead of wishing for nothing you have been assigned a wish that in no way reflects anything you are remotely interested in. luckily for you it is a wish that everyone else in the universe wants, and by selling it you are made into a multi-quadrillianare. the only downside is that now you control 98% of the world's wealth and are forced to watch everyone else fight each other over the last 2%.

I wish laundry would fold itself.

u2sarajevo · 07-10-2007, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ninkobei

granted. but instead of wishing for nothing you have been assigned a wish that in no way reflects anything you are remotely interested in. luckily for you it is a wish that everyone else in the universe wants, and by selling it you are made into a multi-quadrillianare. the only downside is that now you control 98% of the world's wealth and are forced to watch everyone else fight each other over the last 2%.

I wish laundry would fold itself.

Granted. However now you have to wash everyone in the worlds dishes. Once a day. Good luck!

I wish the 2007/2008 season would start already.

MavsX · 07-10-2007, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by u2sarajevo

Granted. However now you have to wash everyone in the worlds dishes. Once a day. Good luck!

I wish the 2007/2008 season would start already.

Granted, unfortunately we didn't have time to practice. The Mavs went 10 and 72, and missed the playoffs. Everyone on the board ended up blaming you. So you stopped posting out of embarrassment, eventually you gave the moderator powers to MavsX, who in turn banned every member. After about 9 months with no members, djbacklash had to close up shop and retire dallas-mavs.com. He ended up selling the domain to some company in China, who specializes in midget porn. Long story short: Nice going jackass.

I wish i didn't have to go to so many weddings with the girlfriend in the next year....(like 5 so far)

rabbitproof · 07-10-2007, 10:03 PM

Granted. You go to one - the one for you and your girlfriend! However, your girlfriend decided that being fat on your wedding day was cool since she wasn't clued in (you know, because she didn't go to any other weddings.)

I wish the person amending my wish wasn't historically the gayest poster ever in the history of the Internet.

bernardos70 · 07-10-2007, 10:21 PM

Granted, and so your title is safe.

I wish life had an easy button.

rabbitproof · 07-10-2007, 10:43 PM

(oh man, owned.)

Granted. However, you now find everything hard.

I wish we didn't have to make wishes.

sike · 07-10-2007, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rabbitproof

I wish we didn't have to make wishes.

granted. but for the rest of your life you will wish you could.

I wish I may I wish I might

Lonely PSU Mavs Fan · 07-11-2007, 06:58 AM

Granted. But you are now midget pornstar "May Might" famous for her alien sex scenes.

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her.