Gordon Keith from Wikipedia.com - Dallas-Mavs.com Forums

Murphy3 · 12-15-2005, 04:58 PM

............just an interesting read.............

Gordon Keith is a radio "personality", part of the "Dunham And Miller" morning show, heard 5:30-10:00 AM on sports radio KTCK 1310 AM "The Ticket" in Dallas, Texas. He is the third host of the two man show, the other two men being George Dunham and Craig "Junior" Miller.

He has gained a considerable amount of notoriety for his humorous "characters", such as The Fake Jerry Jones, The Fake Jason Kidd, Triple Fake Norm, Ribby Paultz, Oil-Derrick Norm, Seattle Slew, and The Fake Tiger Woods. He also has been a part of many wacky "bits" over the years, such as his escapades through downtown Dallas in a devil costume, and for what is considered by many to be his crowning achievement, when he was arrested at Lambeau Field in Green Bay for shouting such comments as "Bart Starr was overrated!" and "Jerry Kramer was offsides!", heresy to those who live in Green Bay. He was incarcerated at the local prison and released on bail.

Not all of Gordon's antics have been amusing to everyone who listens. He caught considerable flack for claiming on air that he had married a black woman and therefore understood the difficulties of a jungle fever relationship. His racial humor has always been a bit more tense, and less successful, than his other attempts at humor, such as his use of suicide as a punch line, and his general mocking of the dead.

Gordon has been given several nicknames, including:

The Posterboy Of Underacheivement
The Student of Eros
The Station Cancer
The Devil's Own
Gordon has also made many confusing catchphrases popular in the Dallas area, with quotes such as "Baby Arm," "Have good and get give", "Bloody pants say I love you", and "I would like to lick you where babies come out".

He also works hard to educate people about the dangers of AIDS, and created HIVy, an "AIDS mascot".

In August 2005, he debuted a new "wacky bit" entitled "Jeremiah Ontario's Rookie Radio Blog", which chronicles the trials and tribulations of Jeremiah Ontario, a fictional athlete attempting to make it onto the 2005-2006 Dallas Cowboys roster. His fake tales of the seedy, closed-door goings-on at Cowboys training camp in Oxnard, CA, were met with extreme praise and popularity.

Also in late 2005, he developed the "Ticket Mouse", a former lab experiment mouse who escaped and now lives in the Ticket studios. The mouse shares his many tales of the seedy goings-on with Ticket hosts, especially Norm's gambling woes and the numerous "crap beatings" that he has suffered for it. This character normally meets his demise at the end of each appearance at the hands of Craig Miller, with unfortunate things such as anvils being dropped on him, accidents involving china cabinets, or being blown up with explosives. In his final moments, the Ticket Mouse is often heard gasping for breath and praying to Jesus. Ba doinka doink!

Murphy3 · 12-15-2005, 05:10 PM

HIVy is waaay underrated.

chumdawg · 12-15-2005, 07:17 PM

He's a comic genius. Perhaps a modern-day Lenny Bruce.

sike · 12-16-2005, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chumdawg

He's a comic genius. Perhaps a modern-day Lenny Bruce.

tap 'em....just tap 'em....

I would love to see the Musers go national and see Gordo get his due....he is the REAL talent of the show.

Murphy3 · 12-16-2005, 10:04 AM

Honestly, I wouldn't listen to more than 10-15 minutes of that show a day if it wasn't for Gordo....although he is a little too dark for my tastes.

sike · 12-16-2005, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murphy3

Honestly, I wouldn't listen to more than 10-15 minutes of that show a day if it wasn't for Gordo....although he is a little too dark for my tastes.

all the blood and death talk not your style murph?

grbh · 12-16-2005, 11:28 AM

Gordo on myspace:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endID=19745392

dallas_esq · 12-19-2005, 03:27 AM

Gordonkeith.com seems to be down today, anybody heard anything about why? I need my fix of completely filthy, over the top, gay'd out, filth-flarn'-flarn'-filth.

Drbio · 12-19-2005, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murphy3

Honestly, I wouldn't listen to more than 10-15 minutes of that show a day if it wasn't for Gordo....although he is a little too dark for my tastes.

Genesis 1:3

raefformvp · 02-04-2006, 01:52 PM

So, most of you know of Chef Ed (mostly he posts at dallasbasketball.com, and when he comes here people shred his thoughts to pieces - and for good reason). Well the other day I was reading through some of the threads at "that other site" and Chef had this to say about The Ticket: (keep in mind that Chef now lives in St. Louis, and I seriously doubt he listens on the internet, so he has no clue as to what the Ticket is doing these days...)

Quote:

I will give the "Ticket" all the credit in the world for what they have accomplished....

I'm just not a fan of how they did it, that's all...

They came in and decided that they were going to promote their station to a crowd that neither was from Texas, nor liked Texas.....

They came in a did something that up until then was considered sacreligious. That was bashing the Cowboys when they were in the middle of winning three out of four SuperBowls...

They knew that the City of Dallas was becoming a melting pot of people from not only around the world, but from around the country.... <What? Shouldn't he have that the other way around? Tired head.> The people that were actually born and raised in Texas and in Dallas were becoming the minority, so they decided to do their demographics towards the majority...

And the majority of the population now hates the Cowboys because they are from all over the country, and remember the rest of the country hates Dallas....So they did the best thing to make sure their radio station hit home with a huge audiance.....

The used the Howard Stern rule, and it worked like a charm..

They instantly had a following and ratings. So they were instantly considered a success, but up until Norm showed up they were just a radio station that prided itself in bashing anything and anyone for any reason.....You like it, they don't......There way is that you never agree with that majority, but you bash what they stand for......It works...

You have a huge following of discontent, and very unhappy people that hate the world and anyone in it...I don't agree with that, and I don't support it, and I have no respect for it......But it works....So who am I....no one....one person.....They have plenty that like them so they don't care.......

Good for them.......I still don't have to respect them or anyone that works for them.......But when you see people on this site like SUK that think it's funny to put pictures of women that have been beat on because he thinks it's funny, then you understand where my dislike for him and that radio station come from............But hey, it's just one posters opinion....I'm sure you have your own.....and I respect that..........I don't have to like it, but I respect it........

I just don't have any respect for losers like SUK.........or the Ticket.....

To which I replied:

Quote:

When was the last time you listened to the Ticket? I wouldn't describe Dunham and Miller to be "unhappy people that hate the world and anyone in it". Maybe you could describe Gordo that way, but that's his schtick. And many people I know find him hilarious because he is so witty and actually very intelligent telling many jokes that the less intelligent person just doesn't get. He is a master with words!

I'll give you that many of the Hardline come across as "unhappy", however I don't feel like they hate all sports teams from the Dallas area. I only listen to them occasionally because I think Corby's funny (and he graduated from the high school where I teach now). If I want somewhat more authentic sports talk in the afternoon, I'll flip over and listen to Randy Galloway (can't stand his voice, but occasionally he has good Mavs' coverage).

I just find it a gross exaggeration to say that discontented, unhappy people are the only ones who listen to the Ticket. I have many family members and friends who listen, all of whom are intelligent, happy people.

I emailed this dialogue to Gordon Keith, and his response was this:

Quote:

I like it how that guy thinks we had some sort of master plan to win ratings and build a station. All we have ever done is what entertains us.

I love you and want to make strong love to you.

I got quite a giggle out of his response. I forwarded it to my dad, and he was very offended that someone would say that to me. Come on Dad, I'm 33...time to let go!

Anywho, for those of you that actually read all of this, sorry for boring you. I just found it amusing!

Drbio · 02-04-2006, 03:00 PM

"Special" Ed is such a tard.

Murphy3 · 02-04-2006, 03:08 PM

I must say that Gordon Keith has played an important positive role in shaping my personality.

raefformvp · 02-04-2006, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murphy3

I must say that Gordon Keith has played an important positive role in shaping my personality.

I can see that Gordon-like personality in many of your posts. Must be why I like you so much!

Murphy3 · 02-04-2006, 05:50 PM

I've always had the sarcastic quick witted side... Just wasn't always as dark.

chumdawg · 02-04-2006, 05:59 PM

That's funny, Raef. Good job! My only question: wouldya?

raefformvp · 02-04-2006, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chumdawg

That's funny, Raef. Good job! My only question: wouldya?

Hmmm....would I? I'm a sucker for a sense of humor, but I don't think I'd have grexual intercourse with him. I'm thinkin' he probably has the aids.

mary · 02-04-2006, 06:38 PM

Funny story Raef

As far as the ticket, I occassionaly get annoyed because nobody on the ticket seems to really be a Mavs fan - besides Ben and Skin of course.

On the other hand, I happen to enjoy the Hardline discontent for the Cowboys.

But when George Dunham is one of the featured hosts on the station, I don't see how Chef Ed can say the station's goal is to bash the Cowboys. That's ridiculous.

raefformvp · 02-04-2006, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mary

Funny story Raef

As far as the ticket, I occassionaly get annoyed because nobody on the ticket seems to really be a Mavs fan - besides Ben and Skin of course.

On the other hand, I happen to enjoy the Hardline discontent for the Cowboys.

But when George Dunham is one of the featured hosts on the station, I don't see how Chef Ed can say the station's goal is to bash the Cowboys. That's ridiculous.

You nailed it Mary. Ed's ridiculous! He is bipolar and in need of some serious help. I think it's well past time for an intervention...

u2sarajevo · 02-04-2006, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raefformvp

Hmmm....would I? I'm a sucker for a sense of humor, but I don't think I'd have grexual intercourse with him. I'm thinkin' he probably has the aids.

He already admitted to catching the hiv. He's hoping it doesn't promote itself to the aid. He's been avoiding toilet seats ever since.

Murphy3 · 02-04-2006, 09:05 PM

HIVy is underrated.

raefformvp · 02-04-2006, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by u2sarajevo

He already admitted to catching the hiv. He's hoping it doesn't promote itself to the aid. He's been avoiding toilet seats ever since.

Things are becoming clearer to me now. Maybe it's Ed who has the hiv. That would help to explain his bouts of delirium...

chumdawg · 02-16-2006, 12:59 PM

Newspape Column: Dear Diary, can I please borrow a cigarette?

08:41 AM CST on Thursday, February 9, 2006
By GORDON KEITH

Dear Diary,

I am like soooo pissed! I know you don't read the paper, because you don't have eyes, but some crazy popper-rotsee (sp?) took a picture of me, driving in my car, minding my own business, with my baby TASTEFULLY sitting on my lap as I sped away down the Specific Coast Highway. Now the press is having a feel day with it! They are calling me the worst mother since my own. I don't think they realize how difficult it is to be a mother, trying to lose all that weight.

Whew! Sorry to unload on you like this, but I want at least one person (you are like a best friend!) to know the truth.

I had just come out of the Malibu Starbucks with my non-fat Caramel Mocha Ding Dong (I get that everyday, yum!) and then I see all these camera guys crowded around my trunk, so I am thinking, oh my God, they are going to break into my trunk and take my baby out. So I did what any good, worried mother would do. I hid in the bathroom and smoked. Then it hit me. I needed to get my baby out of arm's way! So I put on my makeup, ran out of there and grabbed my baby.

Then I got in my car and screamed at the pauper-rachtsee (that is Mexican for photography, BTW). I pealed out of there! My bodyguard, the one I just hired, was in the passenger's seat doing nothing the whole time. So I told him to grab the wheel as I tried to hold my steaming hot coffee at least a foot above my baby's head while I hid my cigarettes. (I'm trying to quit, so I try to hide them from myself! CLEVER.)

Now everyone is mad at me, and I am the top story, even above the death of Loretta Scott Key, the singer of our national anthem.

I can't believe that I am public enemy No. 1 when there are not only killers out there, but murderers too as well. Really, is it so wrong to drive with a baby in your lap, windows down, along a road bound by a ravine that descends 200 feet into the ocean, in a car chase? It's not like I was about to crash. And besides, aren't babies' bones made of rubber anyway? I'm just saying.

BTW, Kevin and I got divorced again last night.

Britney

Sometimes Gordon scents himself with "Curious" and questions his sexual identity. E-mail him at gordon@gordonkeith.com and hear him on "The Ticket" KTCK-AM (1310) weekdays from 6 to 10 a.m.

http://www.quickdfw.com/columnists/g...1.c661c16.html

raefformvp · 02-16-2006, 01:25 PM

that was hilarious! I used that column this week in my classes to teach satire. I just love Gordo!

EastDallasCowboy · 02-16-2006, 03:54 PM

Gordo is the only redeeming quality to the Musers program.

Even with him though, the Musers are my least favorite of the daily Ticket fare. I'm glad they're mornings so I can avoid most of the program.

Murphy3 · 02-16-2006, 09:09 PM

The good thing is that Gordo's more involved throughout the show than he's ever been. I'm kinda on and off when it comes to liking George and Craig. Right now, they're ok... but, ask me again in a few weeks and that might change.

chumdawg · 05-02-2006, 09:50 PM

More Gordo genius:

Newspaper Column: The IRS has no appreciation for Puffy Paint

10:42 AM CDT on Thursday, April 20, 2006
By GORDON KEITH

Dear Mr. Keith,

We have received your 2005 tax forms and appreciate your punctuality. However, we cannot accept your return in its current state. We at the IRS have found the following areas of concern.

1. You must file separate returns for 1983, 1999, 2001, 2003, 2004 and 2005.

2. Your Social Security number is suspect. Yours contains too many digits. (Tip: There are no letters in a SSN. And if there were, it is doubtful that they would spell out a nickname.)

3. All returns must be filled out in ink of some kind. Puffy Paint, although pretty, is not acceptable.

4. On Page 1b, you have checked "Married Filing Jointly," but then on Page 7 you have scrawled a rather confusing boast about a tumultuous divorce. Please clarify.

5. You cannot claim an ag exemption for your apartment. Furthermore, the crop you are growing is illegal.

6. You have claimed over $4,600 under a "sandwich exemption." No such exemption exists.

7. You may not claim a ferret as a head of household.

8. Beside DEPENDENT you have written "another name for the necklace." Clarify.

9. "Condoms" cannot be deducted as an expense.

10. Neither can "menthols."

11. Curiously, your charitable contributions grossly overwhelm your actual income. It is unheard of to make $17,450 a year and claim "one billion dollars" in charitable contributions.

12. We do not accept artwork of any kind. The drawing you sent us of what appears to be two goat-men in an advanced state of arousal is being returned under a separate cover.

13. We are not sure what "chronic" is, much less do we know if you can claim it as a business expense.

14. Please refrain from abusive language on future returns.

In conclusion, you must file an extension immediately, and we highly recommend you receive professional assistance with your return. It would aid you in avoiding embarrassing mistakes like these.

Jeff Goodman, IRS

P.S. We understand minor soiling of the return, but it appears as if you field-dressed a deer while working on your taxes. Is everyone OK?

http://www.quickdfw.com/columnists/g....188c6511.html