I am a horrible friend. - Dallas-Mavs.com Forums

ames7 · 06-24-2003, 12:26 AM

So I just found out I totally forgot one of my best friends' birthday. It was last Wednesday & I just now sent an E-mail of Profuse Apology. But I already know she's really upset b/c it turns out NONE of us remembered to call her or send an e-card or anything. She's still in Austin while we're all back here in Dallas so mostly, we all just kind of forgot. I feel like scum.

I've been juggling classes & work & haven't really had much time to do anything, & to be honest, I wasn't ever completely sure which day was her birthday, just that it was in the "early June" vicinity. It wasn't like we completely forgot about her--we've been planning a party for when she gets back here in July. But her mom called mine & told her she felt so sad & alone on her birthday b/c her friends are scum who don't have the brain cells to remember to make a simple phone call. Okay, she didn't really say that last part.

Anyway, I feel like this may seriously affect our friendship & I'm not sure what else to do.

Smiles · 06-24-2003, 12:48 AM

not to sound flippant, but if you downplay all birthdays (forget them, don't send cards or gifts unless forced to at a party, etc.) then your friends will write it off as one of your flaws and love you anyway - and not get their feelings hurt.

can you tell i'm a scum of a friend where birthdays are concerned? i think i called 1 friend on his birthday in the last 2+ yrs. i wasn't any better before that.

my roommate had a birthday two weeks ago. guess how i got reminded?!!! we work at the same company, and as i walked down the hall i saw streamers hanging from the ceiling over cubicle!!! mortifying!! she's a really great person, and though it is agony for me to buy people gifts (i have severe insecurity that people will like the gifts i choose) i got her a little something. i know she never expects anything and she loves all tokens of friendship and the like.

ames7 · 06-24-2003, 02:40 AM

Yeah, my other friends & I were discussing this unexpected problem. We really had no idea she would be this upset. I mean, I wouldn't be. But I think it has more to do with her being away from everyone & no one bothering to call or send an e-mail or anything. I still feel really bad.

mavsfanforever · 06-24-2003, 07:08 AM

Hope it works out well. i have to admit I cannot remember any birthdays. I sometimes forget my wife's birthday and luckily she understands that and remonds me about her gift well in advance.

Drbio · 06-24-2003, 08:24 AM

That is unfortunate. You hit it right on the head. She is detached with her friends (although I cannot imagine that she doesn't have some in Austin). BUT, separation makes the little things sting a little more. I'm sure she will get over it, especially since you wrote a heartfelt email. Time heals.

TripleDipping · 06-24-2003, 09:13 AM

Yes, you are scum. Since your friend seems to be alone in Austin while all her buddies are in Dallas, it only compounds to her depression when her buddies forget her birthday. And you shouldn't try to put yourself in her shoes, unless you've been in the same situation i.e. being all alone in a place while all the people you love are together in another place seemingly have forgotten about you.

Fret not Ames, chances are this kind of situation happens to the best of us. The same thing happened to me when I first moved to DFW and my buds back home forgot my birthday... I was upset initially but got over it after the "celebrating-birthday-alone" symptoms dissapeared. Of course, I don't doubt that the symptoms may last longer in girls than boys.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that it's a good thing that you and your scummish friends know your mistakes. And I don't see how your forgotten buddy won't feel 100% again when you and your friends drive to Austin during the weekend (Yes... all of you will have to get your asses there ASAP if you wanna solve this problem fast) and throw her a surprise party. Each of you will have to wear dunce hats while singing the birthday song, give her a big hug after that and I'm sure things will be good as new. Or you can just call her up and say sorry and let time heal her wound, although it might take a looooooong time and will leave scars behind.

It's really no big deal, Ames. If she's as good a friend as you described to be, there's no way she won't feel happy again as long as you and your friends patch things up by showing that you care. Check the engine oil and have a safe drive to Austin.

I'll be back next week with my new column "How to tell your parents that you're gay". JK!!!!! [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

Ummmmm Ok · 06-24-2003, 09:23 AM

u2sarajevo · 06-24-2003, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by: TripleDipping
I'll be back next week with my new column "How to tell your parents that you're gay". JK!!!!! [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

Do you have personal experience in this area? [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif[/img]

MavKikiNYC · 06-24-2003, 10:27 AM

Quote:

...and throw her a surprise party.

Yeah, Ames, I'm afraid you guys dropped the ball here. Your face-saving strategy would've been to have gone to Austin with all her friends the weekend AFTER her birthday, and claim that you had planned a post-birthday surprise party all along.

File this strategy in case it ever happens again.