How would you handle it?? - Dallas-Mavs.com Forums

raefformvp · 02-13-2006, 05:39 PM

One of my beautiful, sweet, smart students came to me in tears today and asked if she could speak with me in private. She brought what appeared to be her lunch out in the hall with her. Instead of pulling a sandwich from the paper sack, she pulled out a pregnancy test. She asked if it looked positive to me. I had never seen this kind of test, so I didn't have a clue what a positive response would look like. She said her mom knows that she had sex, but has no idea she could possibly be pregnant and she's scared to death to tell her. She is on the soccer team and begged me not to tell her coach. I took her to our pregnancy counselor and she talked with her for a few minutes, but she said that she trusts me more. I let her use my phone to make an appointment with one of those pregnancy centers, and I'm praying she goes! She was asking me all sorts of questions about abortion and if her parents would have to find out. I went through so many emotions. I wanted to slap her, hug her, cry with her, heck, I even wanted to take her home with me and take care of her until the baby is born (if she is indeed pregnant) and then adopt the baby myself!

I know there are many parents here, and mostly I'm looking for your thoughts. Legally, I'm almost positive that I don't have to contact her parents. I'm looking into that, and will cross that bridge if and when she knows for sure. How would you wish that a teacher your child trusted handle this situation? We didn't have a lot of time to talk, so the only firm advice I was able to give her was 1) to find out for sure from Planned Parenthood or something like that and 2) to think long and hard before making a decision to abort. I told her about a friend of mine who had an abortion when she was 18 and it still haunts her to this day.

Ugh. My heart is breaking for this girl and for the baby that could be forming in her as I type. Life is so wacky. My husband and I have been trying for well over 5 years to get pregnant. I've been poked and prodded (by more than just my hubby

) by doctors, taken fertility meds, read every book I can get my hands on, stood on my head (okay, so maybe I didn't do that, but if a doc told me it would increase my chances, I'd do it), etc., and I have to watch student after student wear maternity clothes in my classroom when they aren't even old enough to drive! I just don't get it...

sike · 02-13-2006, 05:48 PM

strongly encourage her to tell her parents...

capitalcity · 02-13-2006, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

strongly encourage her to tell her parents...

agreed.

Mavdog · 02-13-2006, 06:09 PM

hopefully you can convince her that she will get through this best with her parents at her side. she should not go so far as making the decision on aborting without them, and telling them may come down to your decision rather than hers. sorry. you may need to be the bad guy.

she needs to understand that she should stop playing the odds with sex. either stop it or take stronger preventive measures.

u2sarajevo · 02-13-2006, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sike

strongly encourage her to tell her parents...

Quote:

Originally Posted by capitalcity

agreed.

agreed also

I really hope you encourage her to speak to her Parents. This is not your battle. It's hers, and she doesn't have to go through it alone.

Babies having Babies. Along time ago that was the norm.... then it became shamefull..... now it's returning to being normal, although in a sometimes tragic sense.

I am hoping I never have to face this particular issue with my girls..... unless it's them talking to me about one of their friends.

ocelot_ark · 02-13-2006, 07:55 PM

Punch her in the stomach....

...or call her parents.

raefformvp · 02-13-2006, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Babies having Babies. Along time ago that was the norm.... then it became shamefull..... now it's returning to being normal, although in a sometimes tragic sense.

very true my friend, very true. I've had students sitting in my class who are pregnant with baby number 2. as sophomores! I was watching Tyra the other day (don't ask) and she was doing a special on teens and sex. she had a panel of 8 boys and 8 girls discussing what the sex lives of teens are like today. they were discussing something called "flyer parties". they said that when you walked into these parties there would be mattresses covering the floor and there were teens in all their naked glory doing all sorts of things. I remember at the parties I went to in high school it wasn't uncommon to see people making out everywhere, but that was it! I just can't imagine...(nor do I want to!)

thanks for the advice guys. I'll see her again on Wednesday and find out if she knows for sure. I know if she was my daughter, I would want to know what is going on. so if she is indeed pregnant, I'll let her know that I have to tell her parents. (boy, will that be a fun phone call!)

Murphy3 · 02-13-2006, 08:36 PM

How old is this girl?

Drbio · 02-13-2006, 09:27 PM

Although I think the parents should know, be careful. You might want to run a generic question across your ISD's legal counsel first. Disclosing a medical condition (which pregnancy falls under) may be a violation of federal law. Be careful.

Murphy3 · 02-13-2006, 10:06 PM

Yep, in some states, minors can have abortions without their parents consent....not that I know from experience.

raefformvp · 02-13-2006, 10:50 PM

she is 15. she claims it was her first time, but who knows?

and doc, I'm sure the pregnancy counselor on campus knows what should be done. can you believe schools now have pregnancy counselors? that is all this woman does (work with teen moms and dads). there is even a parenting class that the students receive actual high school credit toward graduation for taking. my how times have changed!

Drbio · 02-13-2006, 11:04 PM

I'd just hate to see you get caught up in a HIPPA violation or somesuch raeffy.....It could cost you a lot more than you realize.

ocelot_ark · 02-14-2006, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drbio

I'd just hate to see you get caught up in a HIPPA violation or somesuch raeffy.....It could cost you a lot more than you realize.

Foregive my ignorance, Doc...but what does health insurance portability have to do with this?

Drbio · 02-14-2006, 12:35 AM

It is a violation of the law to disclose any identifying information or condition of a patient (without their express permission).....in this case, the student being pregnant might be covered under this law. This is for a lawyer to address, but I wouldn't say a word to a parent without that consult.

u2sarajevo · 02-14-2006, 07:16 AM

I would just encourage the girl to speak to her parents. Don't get in trouble with the law... geez sometimes the law is crazy.

dalmations202 · 02-14-2006, 10:56 AM

Just another piece of advice. I am a Network Admin for a hospital, and have spent more time worrying with HIPPA security than most could care about. Talk to counsel before telling anything to anyone. Doc is correct here.

As a parent with 4 girls, of course I want to know. As a christian, of course I don't want to think that any child would consider abortion. As for the law though, -- consult counsel. I know their are specifics about what rights girls have in this situation, but I don't know where you fall under them, since you are not a medical provider.

Encourage her to tell her parents up front, be honest and work through the problem. It is far better than all other alternatives.

raefformvp · 02-15-2006, 07:17 PM

well, she is indeed pregnant. my heart broke in two when she told me today. she has told her mom, so I don't have to worry about that part. she is almost positive that she is going to abort. she went to a teen pregnancy center after school Monday and they gave her information on the pills you can take to abort. I had heard of the morning after pill, but I had no idea that you could take medicine weeks into the pregnancy to kill the baby. and yes, I used the word kill. I cry much and often because I can't get pregnant. yet this girl more than likely will take a few pills to make her baby disappear. I won't judge her for her decision, and I told her as much today when we talked, but that doesn't mean I agree with it. I told her to think long and hard before making such a decision. What I really wanted to do was kidnap her and take care of her until the baby is born and then raise the baby as my own. life is so very confusing sometimes!

aexchange · 02-15-2006, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raefformvp

well, she is indeed pregnant. my heart broke in two when she told me today. she has told her mom, so I don't have to worry about that part. she is almost positive that she is going to abort. she went to a teen pregnancy center after school Monday and they gave her information on the pills you can take to abort. I had heard of the morning after pill, but I had no idea that you could take medicine weeks into the pregnancy to kill the baby. and yes, I used the word kill. I cry much and often because I can't get pregnant. yet this girl more than likely will take a few pills to make her baby disappear. I won't judge her for her decision, and I told her as much today when we talked, but that doesn't mean I agree with it. I told her to think long and hard before making such a decision. What I really wanted to do was kidnap her and take care of her until the baby is born and then raise the baby as my own. life is so very confusing sometimes!

why dont you offer to adopt the baby? not sure how your work would handle the situation, but this seems like an almost ideal situation for you.

Usually Lurkin · 02-15-2006, 09:22 PM

Raefformvp, there are places that will present to teens advice that is more along the lines of how you view the situation (more than planned parenthood).

My wife volunteered for a while at a place called LifeCare pregnancy here in Austin. I don't know if there is one in Dallas.

Here's a website where someone can find a pregnancy center nearby.
http://www.optionline.org/
From their "considering abortion?" page:

Quote:

Abortion is not just a simple medical procedure. For many women, it is a life changing event with significant physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences. Most women who struggle with past abortions say that they wish they had been told all of the facts about abortion and its risks.

twelli · 02-16-2006, 03:21 AM

I wonder how old the mother of your student is and what kind of financial situation they have. Though I am not completely against abortion, I would prefer a solution where the mother takes care of her daughter's child until the daughter is grown up/finished school etc.

And I don't think adopting the child would be a good idea for you unless you don't mind all the complications involved in raising a child of someone you know who might want to raise the child herself later on and a child torn between two mothers..