RE:The Real Gilligan's Island
Dear Viewer,
Thank you for your inquiry.
Do not question our wisdom and expertise. We are up here holding sacks with dollar signs on them, and you are down there. Do not take umbrage at our talent for insulting your intelligence night in and night out. We order you to watch [The Real Gilligan's Island] and buy the products of those who sponsor [The Real Gilligan's Island]. We order you to keep watching until its cancellation after five or six episodes. If necessary, we will add a laugh track to ensure you develop the correct emotional response.
At a party, if someone mentions liking [The Real Gilligan's Island], laugh nervously and pretend to agree. Wait, don't pretend. We order you to enjoy [The Real Gilligan's Island].
Signed,
A Network Executive
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