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03-11-2003, 10:08 AM
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#1 |
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Golden Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,063
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French jokes: Aggie Jokes for the new millenium! EvilMav, this is for you... Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion." Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac, President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Argus Hamilton "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" Rep. Roy Blunt (MO) "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." Dennis Miller "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" Dennis Miller "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." Conan O'Brien "I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get theGermans out of France." Jay Leno Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur? "The last time the French ask for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." David Letterman "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO) "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's just because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. "It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." Alan Kent France announced today that it plans to ban fireworks at Euro Disney, following last night's display that caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender.
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Hey, Kool Thing, come here. There's something I got to ask you. I just wanna know, what are you gonna do for me? I mean, are you gonna liberate us girls from male white corporate oppression? |
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03-11-2003, 12:09 PM
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#2 |
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Guru
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,363
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I'd like to know what France would be without the Marshall Plan from the US.
I have always expected a Marshall Plan for Mexico. We now could fight along with the US against any country with real physical and direct resources, not only oil or speeches. France is very ungrateful. If they don't want to fight is fine, but at least they could support the US' interests. It would be easier to disarm Hussein without a war having a consensus. Can't France, Germany and Russia (and the stupid mexican lefties) understand that?
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03-11-2003, 03:57 PM
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#3 |
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Diamond Member
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 7,788
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Hahahahahaha..... Thanks S&D, those are great... I may be able to stop laughing sometime in the next hour or two[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]...
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What has the sheep to bargain with the wolf? |
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03-11-2003, 04:23 PM
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#4 |
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Diamond Member
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 7,788
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Q. What's the difference between 1943 and 2003?
A. This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German puppets what to do. Q. Why do we need France on our side against Sadamm and Osama? A. So the French can show them how to surrender. Q. What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? A. How to surrender in at least 10 languages. Q. What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Q. Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly? A. It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S. Q. What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? A. A Mirage Q. Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their Navy..... A. To see all their other ships. A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French expression"? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!" President Bush and the french ambassador to the U.N. were debating the Iraqi crisis. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. He further explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the madman could result in a bloodbath. The french ambassador, although, did not understand. It seems there is no word for"bath" in french. Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? A. The Army. Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
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What has the sheep to bargain with the wolf? |
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03-11-2003, 05:29 PM
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#5 |
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Guru
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 17,057
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What is the single most important technique taught in basic training for the French armed forces?
Running.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. |
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03-12-2003, 12:34 AM
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#6 |
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Guru
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,363
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.
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03-12-2003, 09:11 AM
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#7 |
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Banned
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 40,924
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HA! These are great!
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03-12-2003, 09:29 AM
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#8 |
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Diamond Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 8,195
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"Hey, who here has been following the news about the possible war in Iraq, raise your hand.
If you're French, just go ahead and raise both your hands." -Conan Obrien |
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03-12-2003, 02:25 PM
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#9 |
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Guru
Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 17,057
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Have you heard about the new French camoflauge patterns? Yellow dots in front and brown dots in back.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. |
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03-13-2003, 07:01 PM
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#10 |
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Diamond Member
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 5,832
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Tariq Abdul-Wahad
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At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell. – Thomas Fuller |
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03-13-2003, 07:03 PM
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#11 |
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Diamond Member
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 7,673
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don't forget rigadon't
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