The Jerk Quotes

[Drbio]

This all time excellent movie deserves it own thread. Please post your favorite "The Jerk" lines here.

[Drbio]

You mean I'm going to stay this color?

He hates these cans.

I bet more people see that than in the phone book.

With my faithful dog shithead leading the way....

[Drbio]

I should be able to send more money home next month as my friend patti has promised me a blow job.

[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

[Drbio]

The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now.


I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.


The ashtray and the paddle game and the remote control, that's all I need... and these matches...the ashtray and these matches and the remote control and the paddle-ball... and this lamp

Honey, guess what - I wrote a song for you this morning. (singing) I'm picking out a thermos for you. Not an ordinary thermos for you. But the extra best thermos that you can buy, With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in! I'm picking out a thermos for you, And maybe a barometer too, And what else can I buy so on me you'll rely, A rear end thermometer too.


I've got one! I've got a special purpose! Its great, it's fantastic...I was scared to tell you about it...Your Mom's gonna love me!

You know, while you were playing that just now, I had the craziest fantasy that I could rise up and float right down the end of this coronet, right through here, through these vales, right along this tube, and right up against your lips and give you a kiss. Why didn't you? I didn't want to get spit on me.

[grbh]

Marie, are you awake? Good. You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. I'm glad because there is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that. You give me confidence in myself. I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days and the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days and the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow, when the time is right, I'm going to ask you to marry me, if that's o.k. with you. Just don't say anything. You've made me very happy.

[southern_sweets]

me and my "considerable rear end" would grab more than 2.9 defensive rebounds per 23 minutes..

Oh wait, did you mean the movie? [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif[/img]

[irontoad]

Oh, Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass.

[Drbio]

Great line irontoad.

[fan41]

1. Lord loves a working man
2. Don't trust Whitey
3. See a doctor, get rid of it